Effects of parental separation

Key points for caregivers
- Parental separation, including separation of cohabiting couples or legal divorce of married couples with children, often has a negative impact on children’s emotional experiences and behaviors. This is true for both children and teenagers.
- However, parental separation is not universally disruptive to children. Close, low-conflict parent-child relationships can mitigate the negative effects of parental separation on children’s well-being.
- Even if there is a lot of stress during the separation, the living parent should try to maintain a good relationship with the children and make sure it is close and without too much conflict. This may help children feel more involved in their parents’ decision-making process, which may help them accept the new family structure while reducing harm to the child’s emotional and behavioral health.
Parental separation and its impact on children’s well-being
Discussions abound in research reports, newspaper articles and parent chat groups about the negative impact of parental separation on children’s well-being. These may cause parents to feel guilty when going through any separation that involves one parent moving out of the house, whether in the case of a marriage dissolving due to divorce, or in the case of an unmarried cohabiting couple living apart.

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In terms of the impact of this separation on children’s well-being, researchers most often study aspects of children’s psychological and social development, educational attainment, or health. Research consistently shows that children’s well-being is affected when their parents separate.
But is parental separation always harmful to children, or are certain factors mitigating the negative consequences? Are there factors that parents can influence to make separation as less painful as possible for their children?
The role of parental conflict in children experiencing parental separation.
The level of parental conflict in families experiencing separation affects children’s performance. The disintegration of a high-conflict family (where children witness a lot of arguments between parents) may be liberating for the children and beneficial to their well-being, whereas the disintegration of a low-conflict family may be unexpected for the children of.
Additionally, children who are exposed to more parental conflict are at greater risk for mental health problems after separation. In this case, the level of parental conflict following separation or divorce may be more important to the child’s well-being than the level of contact with the deceased parent.
But what about the quality of the parent-child relationship? Can good relationships between parents and children buffer against the negative effects of parental separation on children’s well-being? In our recent research, this was the main question we sought to answer.
The role of parent-child relationship quality
In our study, we examined whether children who have a good relationship with their residential parent have fewer emotional and behavioral problems after their parents separate than children who have a poorer relationship with their resident parent. We define relationship quality based on children’s perceptions of two key aspects of the relationship with the resident parent:
- Conflict behavior: How often residential parents and children become angry with each other and how often they disagree and argue, and
- intimate disclosure: How often children share secrets and private feelings with their resident parent and how often children tell their resident parent things that bother them.
How can a parent-child relationship that reduces conflict and increases intimacy help children survive the separation of their parents?
Children who perceived their relationship with their resident parent as more positive reported less conflict and greater intimacy with their parent. In these homes, the resident parent is likely to continue to have thoughtful and honest conversations with the child even after the parental relationship has dissolved.


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Parents can also make it clear that separation will not change their love for their children. Additionally, parents can involve their children in deciding how to re-establish family routines after separation, which may help children accept the new family structure and may reduce the negative consequences of separation.
our research
To empirically test our ideas about the protective effects of high-quality parent-child relationships, we use data from the German family panel “pairfam”, a multidisciplinary longitudinal study of partnerships and family dynamics. In this multiyear study, the children in our sample ranged in age from 7 to 15 years and were born to opposite-sex couples (aged 26 to 50 years) who separated during the study period.
Parents can also make it clear that separation does not affect their love for their children.
Each child then lived with a self-proclaimed biological parent, who was identified as the host parent for our study. We do not know further details about the children’s living arrangements, such as how much time they spent with their nonresident parents, or whether the parents had joint or sole custody of the children.
Children answered a series of questions about their relationship with their residential parent several years before and one year after their parents separated. Response options range from (1) Never to (5) Always. For questions about conflicting behaviors, (1) indicated lower levels of conflict with the resident parent and (5) indicated higher levels of conflict. Likewise, for questions about intimate disclosure, (1) indicated lower levels of intimacy and (5) indicated higher levels of intimacy.
To explore the links between these aspects of parent-child relationship quality and children’s well-being, we also examined children’s responses to questions about their emotional symptoms and behavior. Questions about emotional symptoms related to whether the child loses self-confidence easily; has frequent headaches, stomachaches, or illness; has a lot of fears; and often feels unhappy or very worried. Questions about behavioral problems ask whether the child usually does what adults ask, takes things that are not theirs, lets others do what they want, and often loses his temper or cheats.
Children answered these questions every year from 2009-2010 to 2020-2021, before and after their parents separated.
Changes in children’s emotional and behavioral problems after parental separation
By understanding the well-being of children before and after their parents separate, we can compare the emotional and behavioral well-being of children before their parents separate with the well-being of children in the year after their parents separate. Overall, children after their parents separated had more emotional and behavioral problems than before. This pattern reflects a general trend in which parental separation harms children’s well-being.


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However, upon more in-depth analysis, we analyzed whether good parent-child relationship quality buffered these negative consequences and found differences depending on the quality of the child’s relationship with the resident parent. Children who had frequent conflicts with their resident parents had significantly more emotional problems after their parents separated than before, whereas children who had little conflict with their resident parents had significantly fewer emotional problems after separation than before.
Likewise, only children with lower levels of intimate disclosure to the residential parent (i.e., children who did not share personal information with the parent) had more behavioral problems after their parents separated than before.
High-quality parent-child relationships reduce the negative impact of parental separation on children’s well-being
Our research supports the idea that not all children respond to their parents’ separation in the same way. Our findings highlight the importance of considering buffering family factors and children’s resilience when analyzing the impact of parental separation on child well-being.
Only children who did not share personal information with their parents had more behavioral problems after their parents separated than before.
Maintaining a close, low-conflict relationship with the resident parent helps children better adjust to their new family situation after their parents separate. This was particularly the case for children’s emotional symptoms and behavioral problems in our study, and it is possible that similar results may be true for other aspects of children’s well-being.
Therefore, as families cope with parental separation, one way to support children’s well-being is to support their relationships with the residential parent. Developing skills in emotional regulation, conflict management, trust, and communication may help both children and parents survive separation and emerge stronger together.