Inheritance can cause tension between siblings – how to make estate planning smoother
“I think if you can reach out and say, ‘Hey, I know it’s been years, there’s an opportunity to have a bridge conversation. I know we haven’t connected yet, but mom and dad, they’ve grown up. A little bit… I really wanted to use this opportunity for us to reconnect and have some conversations,” McLennan said.
She noted that reaching out may not be appropriate for every sibling, but individuals can at least continue to assume their own roles and responsibilities, including seeking professional advice.
“Make sure you’re informed, make sure you understand your responsibilities, make sure you have the information you need, whether you’re the executor or not, and try to get the outside help you may need,” McLennan said.
She added that settling an estate often requires tax, legal and financial planning advice.
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If there is a vacuum in the information provided by the parent, the child will naturally fill that void with assumptions or potential decision-making rationales in the will. McLennan witnessed children being “blindsided” by the inheritance and witnessed the aftermath of siblings blaming each other.
“Sometimes, if we don’t have enough information, we’ll fill in the backstory, and we might be wrong,” she said. “Sometimes we think of the things we receive as expressions of love: ‘Mom loved you most. She left you her business, she left you her farm, she left you more.
But McLennan says this is a mistake because there are many considerations that children may not be aware of. In her conversations with parents, they also expressed concern that their children would be negatively affected by the inheritance, and often focused on other unrelated members of the family—such as spouses.
The importance of clear communication
Ideally, parents should make their intentions clear to avoid any misunderstandings, but if that’s not the case, avoid the blame game and avoid a breakdown in the relationship, McLennan said. Support your siblings, communicate and keep the family together – the latter being the first priority, she added.
