The perpetual problem in my family always boils down to mental burden. My husband and I never seem to find a rhythm when it comes to household management (dishes, lawn work, organization, etc.) and everything else about being human (taking the dog to the vet, car repairs, our lives). only so much This has to be done. Sure, it can all be overwhelming, but (usually) I’m the one who gets it all done, or doesn’t get it done at all.

I have always felt frustrated and resentful towards my husband because I was carrying most of the mental burden. How did I get into this situation? What did I do wrong? Is it really my fault? His fault? A woman on Threads breaks down the mental burden responsibilities and the mental burden privileges that most men enjoy.

“Most men have ‘mental privilege’ at home,” Sam Kelly wrote in multiple posts.

“The ‘mental load’ of running a home… refers to the work that is always going on behind the scenes to make the home and family function well. That’s 901,384 tabs open simultaneously in a parent’s mind, every day, every day. The vast majority of the burden on the family The person doing most of this invisible labor is usually…mom.

So why is this happening? The answer is fourfold (at least).

“Why do mothers usually bear most of the mental burden of the family? Because we are accustomed to believe that this is our “job.” Because we have watched our mothers always “do everything” since we were young. Because our society tells us that we are inherently “better” than men. Because we are hardwired to equate being a ‘good mom’ with constantly managing everything for everyone,” she wrote.

Straight facts. Growing up, I remember my mom proudly calling herself the “Little Red Hen” in almost everything she did (at work). If you remember, the children’s story about the Little Red Hen was about a hen that lived in a barn with all her animal friends and somehow ended up doing all the work herself. My mother still calls I The “Little Red Hen” now hears me complaining about my mental burden.

But that’s the difference between my mom and the actual ending of the story, where the Little Red Hen does everything herself and then she keeps it all to herself and no one else benefits. In the real world, her husband and kids benefited from my mom’s hard work.

So why does this patriarchal imbalance persist?

“Most men grow up with not only these cultural messages and wildly unrealistic expectations hammered into their minds from day one… they don’t even realize it’s a female thing,” she continued .

“Most men have no idea what the ‘invisible labor of running a home and family’ really means – and what it feels like. Most men have no idea what women are thinking about every second of every day so that the family can continue to function and everyone’s needs are met.” It’s satisfying. Most men don’t know what it’s like to be alone in a family full of capable people, carrying the exhausting burden of having to ‘do it all’ alone.

We all live under this patriarchal, sexist notion that caregiving and household management are some sort of “natural” skill for women, when in fact, all of these tasks are gender-neutral.

“Women are not inherently more detail-oriented than men. Women are not inherently better at managing, overseeing, and mentally tracking things than men. I mean…those fantasy football teams don’t run themselves, you know?” she wrote.

Prosperity. The microphone dropped!

Kelly vows to change the conversation about raising children.

“I don’t want my sons to inherit the ‘mental load privilege.’ I don’t want my daughters to inherit maternal burnout. So I intentionally teach them all of this…to relieve myself of the burden in the process…and for future generations.” Future generations break this cycle 🔥”

Kelly’s opinion is backed by science. In fact, a new study published in Marriage and Family Magazine Honestly, this proves what you already knew: Moms bear much of the mental burden of their families.

Researchers from the Universities of Bath and Melbourne found that mothers were responsible for 71 per cent of “cognitive housework”, while fathers were responsible for only 45 per cent.

“This type of work is often invisible, but it is important,” explains Dr. Ana Catalano Weeks, one of the lead researchers. “It can lead to stress, burnout, and even impact a woman’s career. In many cases, resentment can build up, creating tension between couples.

They want to know why we are always on edge!