Sometimes parents miss their child’s first time – it can be difficult to be with your child 24/7, and sometimes it can even feel like they’re waiting for you before they take their first step, speak their first word, or lose their first tooth Get out of the house. But some firsts—like your child’s first haircut—can be easily scheduled and controlled. Unless something goes wrong.
Such was the case for one Reddit user, who took to Reddit’s Parents subreddit to see if she was overreacting to her mom’s recent decision to cut off her daughter’s hair while babysitting.
“Trying to figure out how to deal with this without screaming,” she began her post. “My mom babysits my toddler (20 months) for a few days at a time, twice a month. She lives with us because she lives only a few hours away. So far So far, so good. It’s just that it’s hard to accommodate a guest and she tends to be “too much” helpful (misplacing things, etc.).
This all sounds fine and normal. Until one day recently, my mother came home.
“But what. This. #@%$,” she continued. “I came home and she gave my daughter a haircut for the first time. No discussion, no permission. It looked good, we probably would have said yes if she’d asked, and my husband and I had discussed it. Now I’m no longer a cutie milestone, but feel incredible.
The parents expressed their anger to the mother, and although the conversation went well, the mother had difficulty calming down her anger.
“We had explained how upset we were. She understood. Another day she came too. I could hardly look at her. Or my daughter. I was so angry.
Her anger comes from two sources:
“One: She gave my daughter bangs, but I wanted them to grow out,” she continued. “It was too close behind the ear and now we are faced with months of hair still in her eyes. 2- It makes us question her decision-making skills and what else she can do without asking.
In the comments, most of those who responded were as outraged as the child’s mother.
“As a parent, she knows how important this is,” one person commented. “She acts like your LO is her baby and she can do what she wants. Glad it looks okay and agrees that it will grow back, but that’s not the point. She has no right and needs to know about her character. I would also be very angry.
“If she really meant well, she wouldn’t have waited until she was alone with her kids to get a haircut,” another added.
A grandmother also agreed: “I have wanted to cut my granddaughter’s hair for a long time, especially the little one. Her hair is of different lengths and she looks much cuter. But no matter how tempted I am, I just know that it is not mine.” place. We joked that I just didn’t know how much longer I could take it, but she just laughed and changed the subject, which was my cue to back off.
Other Reddit users said it’s important to understand the intent.
“It really depends on whether this is actually because she means well but isn’t thinking it through, or if she’s secretly a jerk and wants to make you feel bad/make herself feel more important. Only you know who she is.
Everyone else felt sorry for the grandmother.
“For someone who offers free childcare if she needs to be away from home for a few hours, or even days, I’d give it up,” one person wrote.
“She didn’t ask, which isn’t great, but I doubt she meant it maliciously, and honestly, it doesn’t matter for two reasons: kids’ first experience with a haircut in a salon chair is a real milestone, and there’s Maybe 30 years from now you won’t even remember this except for the photo,” another person chimed in.
In response to the comments, the original poster added: “I’m venting here so I can try to be more rational in person lol. It’s funny to see the transition from “no big deal” to “scorched earth” Comments. We discuss boundaries and deeper issues beyond hair and we’ll see how things go.
It sounds like the mom has reason to be upset, and she’s moving forward in a responsible way. Well done, Mom – just sorry you missed your first haircut.
