Maybe you try taking your kids sledding. Or go to the beach. Or go to Disney World. Despite all the photos of happy family events you’ve seen on Instagram and all the movies you’ve watched on TV, you haven’t felt a moment of happiness the entire time. Your child is crying, your child is fighting. Your child is bored. your child hate everything. Your partner is clearly in pain, and so are you.
You deserve to create core memories and experience the best moments of your life. Instead, you wonder if it can get better.
That’s how one parent on the Reddit parenting forum felt, writing in with a simple question: Are family activities always painful?
“Why is it that every time I try to do something fun with my family or create magical childhood memories, it’s just a miserable time?” they asked.
They went on to explain their most recent family outing to a winter cabin, which was not only joyless but left everyone exhausted.
“Booked a trip to the igloo,” they continued. “Everyone played in the snow for 15 minutes, running around excitedly, and then the rest of the afternoon/evening was spent complaining and shouting because we were emotionally broken and overstimulated and we didn’t actually get to do anything fun. Then it came time for bed and everyone was crying and wanted to go home, they didn’t like the bedroom, the kids took forever to fall asleep and we were all exhausted.
They want to know: Why are they leaving home? Why try it?
“Like why do I bother??? I try to create great childhood memories, but instead I’m just grumpy, exhausted, fed up, and honestly I don’t even know if the kids are having fun,” he continued. “What’s the point of trying to do anything with a child?”
I think every parent has had similar thoughts, maybe after experiencing a similar “holiday”.
Luckily, some parents have responded with some good advice on how to cope with this feeling and maybe even make family time without feeling miserable 24/7.
“I suspect that if we had started with the specific intention of creating ‘magical family memories,’ we would have been disappointed with the results most of the time,” reads the most supportive response. “Those magical family memories from your childhood most likely came from last-minute, unexpected, unplanned things—because that’s often the fun part. That said, no one can blame you for wanting to create those memories and trying to Keep doing this – it’s natural! We just have to accept that children will joke and they won’t always agree with the ideals we have in our heads.
Yes: lowering your expectations is a very good idea. Look for organic moments of fun rather than trying to force things.
“How long do you have your magical memories from childhood? Probably 15 minutes or so, or something vague like, ‘I loved going to the cabin,'” another parent wrote. “We don’t remember mom losing her mind or us complaining 90 percent of the time.”
Another parent also pointed out that the original poster likely created a magical moment for their child – they just didn’t realize it yet.
“Be aware that when you leave, they will be talking about it all year long until you go back next winter,” they wrote. “Bang, family tradition. Bang, nostalgic memories left behind.
A third parent suggested arranging a trip like the one described, even though it seems counterintuitive.
“We arrange our travels,” they wrote. “We always have an agenda, even if it’s no big deal. We bring board games, we plan hikes or bike rides, we go see museums or parks around the area, depending on the area we’re going to. If we go to the woods in the winter cabin, then we’ll bring board games, play snowman races, have snowball fights, go on winter hikes, collect fun stuff, make a fire with marshmallows, and maybe have a few family movie nights and maybe build an igloo.
So there you have it: three great ideas. Lower your expectations, know you’re creating magic even if you don’t feel like it, and rely on some structure so you don’t feel like you’re stuck in a snowy cabin losing your mind with the kids.
There’s always a painful aspect to parenting—but it doesn’t have to be this way quite Too bad.
