My daughter had an all day play date yesterday. When my friend dropped her off, she raved about my kid’s behavior. She is very polite! She is lovely and helpful! She’s clean! She is such a delight! That’s music to my ears. I’m so proud of her for being such a wonderful kid in someone else’s home under someone else’s supervision. That’s all I can ask for.
Cut to that night…
She is aggressive. Her mouth is ruthless. (“You’re the worst mom ever!”) She’s just full of so Very emotional. Within ten seconds or so of her meltdown, my husband and I looked at each other and knew that her rough moment was the aftermath of her best few hours earlier in the day.
Now, at home—her safe space—she lets it all out.
Dave Barnes, a father and professional musician on TikTok, calls his home his “laboratory.”
“I have something to say to all the parents out there, and I need to hear this, but you have to remember something. In your home, when your children don’t respect you, they don’t listen to you, what they do It’s the opposite of what you want them to do, and when they’re mean to each other, and they’re mean to you, you’re living in a laboratory,” he explained.
“This is where kids figure out how to be human. They figure out how to be themselves. Don’t lose sight of that. It’s really important to remember that because when they go out into the world, you’re going to say, ‘Wow, what a cute kid.’ “The teacher speaks well of them, or they have great friends and people want to be around them. That’s real life.
“A house is not real life. This is a workshop. Remember that, and be encouraged, because it’s going to be difficult. It should be difficult, but it’s our job to help guide and shape. You’re doing great. Continue Keep doing it.
One user asked: “What am I doing in the lab!?”
Valid question! If the home is a “laboratory,” children can figure out through trial and error how to behave in their own world. If our family life is just one big experiment, what can we do as parents to make sure we succeed?
Give your children a safe space to be themselves. Errors are allowed. Leave room for mistakes. Practice forgiveness. Follow my example. Keep it constant with your child, and there’s a good chance your “experiment” will turn out great.
